Let Me Show You My …

Nan Sex, , ,

I rarely (if ever) address the topic of S.E.X. on this blog. Not that I’m against the act of, but mostly because (at my age) it’s simply not a subject I spend much time thinking about (in contrast to many men 😈).

However, since the topic has made a big splash in recent news (Jeff Bezos and The Enquirer), it seemed like an appropriate time to take a detour. Plus, an article published by CNN related to the “reasons why men send explicit photos” caught my attention.

Why DO men send such photos? Especially since they are very often unsolicited. One of the reasons mentioned … and I tend to agree with … is that men are not good at judging the level of a woman’s interest in them. But even more pointed … most women aren’t at all interested in pictures of penises. 👎

(So what ARE women interested in? Generally speaking, women are more turned on by a man’s eyes … or his butt. 👍)

It seems part of the reason behind such displays is that men tend to feel a connection to their genitalia — and they perceive the person they are interested in sexually shares that interest. However, such images are often not nearly as pleasurable to the recipient than the man thinks they are.

And then there are men who do it for the shock value. They get a thrill out of the woman’s reaction. Oftentimes, there are also tones of hostility in their actions.

Occasionally, men share such pictures because they are seeking acceptance and intimacy. And sometimes it’s a sign of bragging and dominance-seeking.

The articles asks whether such action is “hard-wired” into some men. Perhaps. But according to one sex therapist, “Even if we think of this behavior as being adaptive in an evolutionary sense, this isn’t to say that it’s OK or excusable for men to send women photos that they don’t want to see.”

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So guys, I guess the final word would be to keep it in your pants … at least until it’s ready for “action.”

26 thoughts on “Let Me Show You My …”

  1. What I have read is that when we made the transition to walking upright, several million years ago, instead of using our noses more (being at the same level as genitalia) we moved on to using our eyes more to attract mates. Currently we are more interested in how an potential mate looks rather than smells (there being exceptions, of course).

    Since males have a greater interest in sex (somebody has to) they “look” for things sexual, hence pornography and many other things. This, I think explains some of this.

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    • It seems to be fairly accepted that men react far more to the visual side of sex whereas women tend to enjoy the emotional and romantic side. Somehow men (not all!) seem to forget/overlook this.

      Interesting bit about the transition from “smell” to visual.

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  2. I can tell you I have NEVER even had the urge to send women nekkid pics. I honestly find it deviant behavior. It just does not compute in my noggin why on earth guys would do that.

    If I wanted to impress a gal (past tense, I dont need to impress any gals except my wife these days,) I did things the old fashioned way. I spoke to them. It is pretty simple really, and you will find out rather quickly whether they are interested in going beyond the pleasantries.

    Even IF things went beyond the pleasantries, I’d still have no urge whatsoever to send nekkid pics. I have no interest in porn either for that matter. If I have any desires to act in a sexual way, or see a woman naked, or impress a gal with my sexuality, I’ll reserve that for the moment sex becomes a reality rather than wishful thinking.

    IOW if it ain’t the real thing, don’t waste my time with that B.S. and I won’t waste yours.

    Now a little innuendo here and there between a couple, I think is quite appropriate and good for a relationship.

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  3. I am with Shelldigger this.

    Of course, as a married man of several decades there aren’t any women I dislike enough to give nightmares too by sending them photographs of me in my current birthday suit. The word ”Eew” comes to mind!

    I know my mother showed quite a number of people naked pictures of yours truly, but she can be forgiven as I was only a few months old, and at that stage I was super cute and super hot!

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  4. Not so long ago there was a bit of an epidemic of kids of high school ages sending pics of them selves to each other and some were ending up on social media. The most common pictures were evidently of exposed breasts, and I doubt they were the male kind.

    I think it is the danger of such acts that causes the excitement, a bit like having it off in an aircraft toilet cubical or performing a sexual act in a public place without being caught.

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    • We had to have a guest speaker from the DAs office come to our school. Most kids don’t realize their phones were carrying illegal child porn pics of their classmates. He had a device on the desk that he said could look at the photo albums and scan phones (a hoax) but after the meeting we found several smashed phones around campus in various places. Lol. It is in fact illegal for kids to possess porn, as well as child porn innocently loaded from their chats with friends. They’re all underage and punishable in Washington state

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  5. I’ve no interest in taking pics of my privy parts and/or sending such pics to people. Now, if you want to talk about showing up to weddings and funerals buck naked, just fer laughs, I’m yer guy. Since I was a kid, I’ve always thought nudity, unexpected nudity, especially, was hilarious. “Look! That lady’s on the back of that horse, naked! Hahahahahahahahaha!! HILARIOUS!!!” This probably explains my multiple arrests over the years, but, what kin I say. It’s funny to show up to senior citizen birthday parties in retirement homes unannounced and nude.

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  7. I would agree with the sentiments expressed by Ark and SD that I too have never been tempted to do such a thing (unless for some reason it was asked for…but even then I would be like “are you sure?” lol)

    I think such actions are done for similar reasons as cat calling or crude pick up lines. Such men aren’t doing it for the woman at all, they are doing it for themselves and the attention even if that attention is revulsion (as it will be most of the time). It’s to make women feel the range of negative emotions that go along with it, and thus giving the guy a sense of power. If men wanted to be engaged in activities that improved success this wouldn’t be the way to do it obviously.

    I don’t think it has to do with the fact that men are more visual or anything and they just don’t realize that women aren’t as visual. I just think such men who do these things don’t care really what turns a woman. They aren’t acting in a way that demonstrates empathy or a genuine desire to understand what attractive to that individual woman. Also I think it’s much more of a social construct that men aren’t concerned or don’t get enjoyment out of the emotional/romantic side. Hyper-masculine attitudes don’t really support men being emotional either, but many men if left to develop without the toxic masculinity cloud hanging over many of our “civilized societies” would I think engage much more in behaviors that fostered true emotional intimacy.

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    • I agree that the “average male” isn’t inclined to do this type of thing. But I DO think the article makes some good points as to why some men share images of their genitalia to women.

      In relation to your comment regarding the visual aspects, according to this article, “In men, the dominant perceptual sense is vision, which is typically not the case with women.”

      In other words (as cited in the article): Women see relationships, men see body parts.

      All of this is most likely because … “Men have as much as 20 times more testosterone in their systems than do women” … which makes them “typically more aggressive, dominant and more narrowly focused on the physical aspects of sex.”

      None of this is to say that men don’t get “enjoyment out of the emotional/romantic side.” It just indicates reasons why — generally speaking — some men believe showing their private parts is a “turn-on” for the woman.

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      • I completely agree that men are more visual, but I don’t think men being more visual is the reason why men assume women are equally visual. If I like chocolate ice cream I don’t just assume everybody likes it. Again, I think it comes down to whether or not a man is actually interested in what interests a woman. and that requires seeing women as equal in their humanity, which means having empathy for them.

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        • it comes down to whether or not a man is actually interested in what interests a woman. Of course! But realize, Swarn, my post is not about relationships. The focus is on why some men like to “show off” their private parts.

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          • My point is mutually exclusive to your question… In fact my point is that men being more visual has nothing to do with the answer to the question of why they are sending dick pics… Your can be visual and not send dick pics. I know, because I’m very visual. Men sending pictures of their private parts to women is about power and attention and that’s more a symptom of the way society is constructed and not because it is biologically natural for men to want to show women their dicks

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          • Somehow I feel our discussion strayed from the point of my post. But that’s OK. it’s always good to share thoughts and opinions because it helps us to learn more about each other — which is sometimes difficult to do in the blogosphere.

            Anyway, thanks for stopping by and adding your thoughts.

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  8. Nan, you said to Swarn: <i?"In men, the dominant perceptual sense is vision, which is typically not the case with women.

    I thought I’d share an excerpt from a post by Dr. Justin Lehmiller:

    “Is it really true that men are more visually aroused than women?

    The claim that vision is a stronger sexual sense for men than for women gets tossed around a lot in textbooks and in the popular media; however, almost no one bothers to back it up with any data–it is taken for granted that this is something we know about the world, and few people question it because it seems like “common sense.” Men are the biggest consumers of porn, so it must be something about men that draws them to porn, right? Not necessarily. Men’s greater affinity for porn may have nothing to do with having a greater visual appetite. Instead, it may just be the case that most of the porn produced is made by men for men, making it of less interest to women.

    In addition, there is double standard when it comes to sexual behavior such that women are more likely to be socially penalized for expressing their sexuality. In many cultures and societies, women are expected to control and restrain their sexual impulses (or to not have them at all), which may lead many women to feel as though watching pornography, having casual sex, or engaging in other such behaviors is inappropriate. So maybe men’s interest in porn says less about male sexuality than it says about the nature of porn and how society feels about women’s sexual freedom.

    As some support for this idea, consider an experiment in which male and female participants were exposed to different types of pornography (male-male, female-female, and male-female). While watching each type of porn, physical levels of sexual arousal were assessed through penile strain gauges and vaginal photoplesythmographs, devices that record the amount of blood flowing to the male and female genitals, respectively. Genital blood flow is a pretty reliable indicator of sexual arousal.

    The results indicated that heterosexual men and women showed equally strong genital arousal when watching male-female pornography in this study. Not only that, but heterosexual women showed almost equally strong genital arousal to all three types of porn they were exposed to, regardless of whether it featured a heterosexual couple, gay men, or lesbians. In contrast, heterosexual men only showed strong genital arousal to porn featuring women in some way.

    Results like this suggest that women may be more sexually responsive to visual stimuli than we have previously been led to believe. In addition, women may actually be turned on by a wider range of porn than men! Thus, there is good reason to be skeptical of the notion that men are more visually aroused than women and, more generally, it would be wise not to make too many assumptions about human sexuality just because they seem like “common sense.”

    https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2013/9/13/sex-question-friday-are-men-more-visually-aroused-than-women

    Swarn wrote: “In fact my point is that men being more visual has nothing to do with the answer to the question of why they are sending dick pics…”

    Nan, while I agree with the article that are several factors that may lead to why certain males send dick pics, I tend to agree with Swarn that it’s predominately due to an environment of hyper-masculinity that prompts teen boys and men to send unsolicited dick pics.

    I’m involved in another forum, and there have been several instances where men sent dick pics to women. The women posted about this. The guys who sent them were banned. The reason they were sending them was not to impress or thought the women would be impressed. They sent them to shock, stalk and harass.

    You said to Swarn: “In other words (as cited in the article): Women see relationships, men see body parts.

    As bolded above from the study, women were turned on sexually in all three categories, which indicates to me that women are not just seeing (fantasizing about) relationships.

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    • Victoria, I found that Dr. Lehmiller article to be pretty accurately representative of the women I have known and know in my Alternative Lifestyles. I have always found and our female Lifestyle-members share and agree that when women can freely express themselves in as many ways as men when in a safe, sane, non-judgmental, non-shaming (accepting) environment/group. This also applies to normally moderate and/or shy timid men as well.

      I much prefer Alternative atmospheres/settings like this mainly because it does indeed nurture equality between genders which also promotes respect too, but just as importantly it nurtures and promotes more improved communication skills! That is… skills beyond visual objectifying while NOT shaming any sexual expressions within the confines/conditions of safety, sanity, respect, and solicitation. And yet, once inside this sort of “safe zone” with everyone, all Alt-Kinksters, we do sometimes enjoy objectification, worshiping, and power exchanges… among any and all genders, equally. 😉 🙂

      Thank you very much for that Lehmiller article. ❤

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      • Thank you for your informative and detailed response, Prof. II also think the article was accurately representative of women I have known and know, myself included, both online and IRL. As one man commented on my post:

        “The shaming and suppression of female sexuality is part of the issue here, as men don’t feel they understand what women actually want sexually, and women don’t feel they can express it safely.”*

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        • YES! BINGO! And the fact that you and Nan are using and distinguishing the correct, key operative terms/concepts here — i.e. solicited vs. unsolicited, preconceived vs. factual notions/perceptions, and freedom of expressions vs. inappropriate premature expressions — and WHY this is a social, moral, and gender problem… in the normal, vanilla, conventional world, but much less so (or not at all) in the Alt-Lifestyles. And furthermore, it does NOT need to be that way! But alas, in a historically patriarchal-egocentric and generally Puritan society, I think A.S. Neill sums it up perfectly:

          The prude is in fact the libertine without the courage to face their naked soul.

          Anybody, and I mean anybody can learn to communicate (express) in much more impactful, meaningful, raw, respectful, and proactive methods while still embracing our primal, long evolved, genetic, erotic and sexual natures. It is NOT impossible! Though it seems it is easier said than done. Ugh. Grrrr. :/ 😦

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    • Thank you, as always, Victoria, for adding your thoughts and accompanying research.

      As I mentioned to Swarn, I think we got away from the original intent of my post. No doubt sending dick pics could be considered a form of pornography, but IMO, that’s a much larger topic. My original intent for writing this post was simply to reference the article that talked about “reasons why men send explicit photos” as related to the current situation surrounding Jeff Bezos. As you probably noted, the reasons mentioned were very general in scope. It was in no way a “scholarly” article. 🙂

      Probably the best thing to do related to the subject of sex is to follow Dr. Lehmiller’s suggestion when he wrote: … it would be wise not to make too many assumptions about human sexuality …. 🙂

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      • I made a short post about this a while back on another forum, titled “Why Men Send Dick Pics” and linked a similar article to yours. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201602/why-men-send-pics-their-junk

        I wanted to get an idea of what the men thought. It got a lot of responses from both men and women (mostly men), and a particular response from a man stood out:

        “The article implies Dick Pics are either a strategy to trigger a response or it’s compulsive behavior. But if it’s a strategy that women unanimously reject (as implied by the article) then one could assume the strategic group of men would stop eventually due to lack of response (or criticism). The remaining group of men would be compulsive which is not a safe situation.”

        I thought he made a good point regarding it being a strategy. Guys who send these pics must live under a rock if they aren’t aware that the vast majority of women don’t like this unsolicited behavior, but I doubt that (unless they’re teens). It leads me to believe that most are deliberate attempts to harass, shock, power trip, show disrespect, intimidate, cross boundaries, and masturbate to the thrill of doing it.

        I think this is an important topic, and I appreciate your post, Nan.

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