The following was shared in the Reader’s Viewpoint section of our local newspaper. Apparently it had been making the rounds on the internet. How much can you identify with?
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but annoying everyone is a piece of cake.
I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.
As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I’m sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
Me (sobbing): “I can’t see you anymore — I’m not going to let you hurt me again.”
My physical exercise instructor (exasperated): “But you did only one sit up.”
I haven’t gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the produce department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
Turns out that being senior is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.
If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
As I’ve gotten older, people think I’m lazy. The truth is, I’m just being energy efficient.
I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.
There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is, that once you get old you to stop being polite and start being honest.
My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
And the final line that I personally thought was priceless …
So, you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?
Nan's Notebook 
Brilliant!
I can si relate to the plastic bag example. The wife and I went through this experience when out yesterday shopping at our local fruit and veg store.
I hate frigging plastic bags!
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And those dayum hermetically packed coffee filters when right after you wake, you just need ONE FREAKIN FILTER ALREADY!!! “I need coffee NOW to do this!” 😠
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We ditched the filters long ago and now have a rather swish espresso machine
Much easier for the short sighted fumble fingered among us.
I mean my wife of course,not moi!
Perish the thought
😎
It’s my eyesight that is shot,hence the need this season for a large flat screen TV to watch the soccer which starts again in a week with the Charity Shields … But we won’t talk about football on Nan’s blog.
😈
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I have much to say about all that Ark, BUT… As you rightly noted we are on “Madame Nanner’s Blog of No-Room-For-Aimless-Misfits,” even IF we are exceptional with our balls.
⚽ Footballs, that is. ⚽ 😁
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Plastic produce bags used to be no problem. I’d lick my thumb, and just be able to open them right up. But now I’m wearing a frikkin mask, so I can’t do that! Probably the only time in my life when I wish I had sweaty palms.
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Just pull the mask down & lick your thumb & then put the mask back up again. Why is this so difficult?
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Kind of defeats the whole purpose of the mask, doesn’t it, spreading spit on the groceries that the checker then has to handle? I’m wearing the mask more to protect other people than to protect me, anyway.
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Because of where your thumb might have been..like the handle coming into the store, and just touching the fruit that others have touched too.
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To annoy everyone would be a herculean task. But I get the point. And I am not old yet, at least, not like Ark
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That’s rather annoying,I’ll have you know!
I’m not that old that if the dogs are having a nap I can’t still set the wife on you.
Sheesh. Bloody anklebiter.
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Sorry Ark, hahaha. I thought old people don’t take offense. 🙂
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“To annoy everyone would be a herculean task.”
Oh, I don’t know. I seem to do a pretty good job of it some days. 🙂
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Everyone? You really must be good at it.
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Hee Hee – I’ve had lots of practice. I have special playlists on Amazon Music just to annoy certain people that I stream when they’re in the car. Great fun. And my collection of vinyl records is made up almost exclusively of polka albums and Lawrence Welk collections.
I figure that if I start acting weird now, no one will notice when the brain eventually starts to go and I won’t end up in an institution. They’ll just leave me alone and give me funny looks.
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I see you have put quite some effort into it.
To clarify my point a bit. Unless the everyone refers only to a specific small group, there are those who will pity you, who will ignore, who will agree with you Unless you are so gross and a colossal a-hole
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A “colossal asshole”? Seriously? if you don’t appreciate the humor or don’t get a joke, fine, but turning it into a personal insult is a bit childish, don’t you think?
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You misunderstood me. My use of you is not you grouchy farmer but referring to any 3rd person singular.
I apologise
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I’m glad you apologized because I read it the same as GF …
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Whilst I am generous with insults, I try never to insult anyone who has done me no wrong.
Maybe I should have expanded on my first response.
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Awesome!
I know it could have been a few lines longer but some things should never be on the internet. Never.
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You found some good ones, Nan.
Not sure how many people can relate to this one, but, this happens to me all the time: “I don’t trip! I do random gravity checks. Author Unknown by me.
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Clearly someone has been following me around. I resemble far too may of those. 😉
Thanks again Nan! (Nan helped me out with an issue recently that well could have been on the list!)
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😇
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BWAAAAA! Nan, this made me and my Mom’s evening! 🤣 Thank you! Mom laughed at all of them, but laughed the hardest at “being energy efficient.” She’s stealing that one from ya for herself. 😉
The other night, Friday I think, she and I watched Leslie Nielsen’s Naked Gun and Naked Gun 2½ while drinking my very stout El Presidente margaritas. We couldn’t stop laughing. She ’bout tinkled her pants laughing so hard for so long. 🤭
Then after two movies we were asked by one of my good friends to complete this survey:
Needless to say, Mom and I did not pass.
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Oh these are great, Nan! I can relate to all of them! Hard to pick a favourite, but I think “My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.” pretty well sums it up for me!
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Oh these are good ones and I have seen a few on Facebook. People pop poo Facebook, but there is some hilarious stuff out there. Old timers is a good site..
Thanks..some good ones for sure
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I annoyed everyone when I was young so I have a hard time identifying with this. I was old when I was ten.
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Yes. I am old. There! I said it. 🙂
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Me too and it’s OK
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