The following was shared in the Reader’s Viewpoint section of our local newspaper. Apparently it had been making the rounds on the internet. How much can you identify with?
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but annoying everyone is a piece of cake.
I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.
As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I’m sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
Me (sobbing): “I can’t see you anymore — I’m not going to let you hurt me again.”
My physical exercise instructor (exasperated): “But you did only one sit up.”
I haven’t gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the produce department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
Turns out that being senior is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.
If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
As I’ve gotten older, people think I’m lazy. The truth is, I’m just being energy efficient.
I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.
There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is, that once you get old you to stop being polite and start being honest.
My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
And the final line that I personally thought was priceless …
So, you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?