Men and Women and Sex

Regarding the recent plethora of news reports surrounding sexual misconduct, I just wanted to put this out there. Let me be clear. I’m speaking from my own personal viewpoint as a woman. You have full rights to agree or disagree.

I feel strongly that ANY kind of sexual advancement made towards a woman without either verbal or physical encouragement is WRONG.

As to whether the man who performed such acts is famous or infamous, whether it happened two years ago or twenty … it should NOT be overlooked and pushed under the rug.

There are innumerable reasons why women keep silent about such incidents and using “elapsed time” should NEVER be a “defense” for the perpetrator.

Innocent until proven guilty is a fine standard to live by. But in the case of sexual misconduct against a woman, IMO, the scales are tipped on the woman’s side. Yes, there are women who may “tease” men and lead them on in various flirty ways, but if the woman discovers the man is not what she expected (rough, brutal, demanding, kinky, etc.), then her “NO” has no less meaning than if she had never done or said anything unseemly.

Further, any woman who continues to support a man accused of such acts, or looks the other way because she’s “related” in some way, is a traitor to her own sex.

75 thoughts on “Men and Women and Sex

    • I agree to a point. Yes, it would be best to keep accusations private … but establishing guilt is the hang-up. HOW is that done when the assault/misconduct may have taken place many years ago? The man will (as has already been shown) deny, deny, deny.

      I’m not so naive to recognize there are women who may want to take advantage of a situation — especially with the “rich and famous” — but those who have been truly assaulted should not be shoved aside because of the less scrupulous.

      It’s a tightrope, I admit. But as I said … to me the scales are (or should be) tipped towards the woman.

      Liked by 6 people

  1. Men in positions of power are accustomed to having their own way, and that most certainly includes their interactions with women. Attempts to exploit positions of power for sexual advantage, or for any other unethical motive, should be condemned by women and men alike and severely penalized or criminally prosecuted if warranted. To all this, I fully support.

    On the other hand, most men do not occupy positions of power. Such men are still capable of committing inappropriate advances, sexual misconduct, and even criminal acts. However, their conflicts with women are most often related to miscommunication, the usual interpersonal stresses which all humans experience, and the complications associated with sexual biology. Just as femininity isn’t a crime, neither should masculinity be a crime. Instead, we should be focusing on behavior; and, that’s where education should be playing a bigger role (and isn’t, unfortunately).

    >>> “I feel strongly that ANY kind of sexual advancement made towards a woman without either verbal or physical encouragement is WRONG.”

    To anyone: how would you teach pubescent girls and boys what specifically is “verbal or physical encouragement” and what is not?

    For the record, one of my stepmothers made unwanted sexual advances towards me as a teenager; and, I was fired from a job once by a female supervisor because I wouldn’t play along with her sexual games.

    Liked by 2 people

    • There’s no doubt “sex in the city” is a complicated topic.

      You are absolutely correct. Femininity nor masculinity is a crime. The problem arises when the latter tries to subvert the former in sexual matters.

      As far as teaching the pubescent? Probably the best thing to do is make sure they understand the consequences (in detail) of any sexual actions they might be considering. Of course, this isn’t a surefire remedy, but knowledge can be a very strong deterrent. (Unfortunately, not every parent is able to discuss such matters so, as you say, education is often lacking.)

      Your past history is unfortunate. I’m sure there are others who could report similar occurrences.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. 100%.

    Not long ago at an employee workshop about sexual harassment, my eyes were opened. The instructor asked if anyone wanted to raise their hand to say they’d NEVER been sexually harassed at work. Every single man raised his hand (including me). Not one woman raised her hand. Every. Single. Woman. could name at least one instance of sexual harassment in the workplace, while not one man could.

    We’ve got to stop.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Although I wonder how many men would never admit to being harassed simply because an admission of vulnerability is seen as a sign of weakness in men.

      I was at the receiving end of not just harassment but physical violence back in the 1960s through to the 1980s. Admittedly, it was not for any “assets” I had, but for the perceived lack of them. I’m in my late Sixties now, but it’s only in the last few years that I’ve had the courage speak about them openly. I would never have raised a hand a few years ago, especially if I didn’t see anyone else do so.

      And while the violence was only carried out by males, females did provide encouragement from the sidelines on several occasions.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Barry, I’m sorry that happened to you. And I’m certain you’re right — that men are conditioned to under report being the victim, because it can be seen as a lack of manhood or manliness.

        It also wouldn’t surprise me if some men didn’t report it because they don’t understand what harassment means.

        In my opinion, this attitude of men/manliness/etc. is part of the “culture of toxic masculinity” that hurts BOTH men and women. I’ve known men that simply could not function if they couldn’t remember some weakling that they’d pulverized in their younger days (and they conveniently forgot or explained away the times they’d *lost* a fight). Fortunately, I work with mostly women now; the atmosphere at the workplace is almost entirely pleasant.

        Liked by 4 people

  3. Very interesting post, I like to go back some years to possibly the beginning of our evolution. We have evolved from animals, we are animals, offspring were produced because of the sexual desire of males for many thousands of years. This is part of our DNA, it is what males are supposed to do, it is done differently by different men and often the wrong way as we have discovered. The worst of course is rape.

    I do not condone what has happened to women, but men who are in power and have the time on their hands to get sexually aroused by beautiful women every day in their workplace must be in the dream job it was always considered, by men. Men are not so good at controlling these feelings of desire, and women will never know what many of these men will endure. I understand this because I have had many thoughts in this regard and I know that a cold shower does not always work.

    Don’t get me wrong, I was never guilty of sexual harassment because I understood this to be wrong and I was under some kind of control. I did know of men who did exploit women verbally and it was considered somehow normal and the guy in question usually had a gift of the gab, fairly good looking and getting to “score” or have sex with more women than the rest of us put together.

    Having said this, I knew women who were not shy of provoking this behaviour and from some of the comments I hear from young women it appears they have some of this male DNA of their own.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I won’t … in fact, I can’t … deny the male sex drive. But from my perspective, there are NO excuses for a man to take sexual advantage of a woman. I don’t care whether they consider themselves to be god’s gift to women, whether they think they’ve been encouraged, whether they think their “position” provides them more leeway, or whether they have problems “controlling” their natural instincts.

      That may all sound pretty heavy-handed, but it’s how I feel.

      I won’t deny that some women — especially the younger, more endowed ones — often tease and tempt. Hell, I probably did a bit of that myself in my younger years. But none of this excuses men who allow the lower part of their body to take control of their (hopefully) good common sense.

      Liked by 4 people

    • I get your point, sklyjd; but, I don’t see much difference between males and females neither in their desires nor in their ability to control it. In my view, the most significant differences in gender behavior is related to culture and species socialization.

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      • Robert … you wrote you didn’t see much difference between males and females neither in their desires nor in their ability to control it.

        I strongly disagree with the second part of your statement. Women can and do control their sexual desires. In fact, teenage girls (who have been properly taught) have been known to stop “the act” right at the moment of penetration. If that isn’t control, I don’t know what is!

        Further, when you bring in “culture and species socialization,” I feel you’re getting a bit too academic about a very natural occurrence between men and women.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Yes Nan, given we are animals, then logically there should be similar differences between men and women in regard to sex as we see in other species.

          Although there is much made in the West about their being a ‘rape culture’ the reality is the rest of the world is far worse.

          From Japan where groping on trains is endemic to Egypt where some Islamic clerics encourage sexual assault on women. I think statistically Cairo is the worst city in the world for sexual assault.

          Then again think about the tribal areas of Pakistan where village elders order the rape of young women as ‘justice’ where a rival family has been ‘wronged’.

          Liked by 2 people

        • I apologize for being “too academic,” but it’s just the way I am. My previous observation comparing the sexual control of men and women was based on personal experience and academic research. In nature, which we humans are very much a part of, there simply are no rigid rules defining gender behavior and sexual interaction. Socialization of spotted hyenas, for example, is dominated by females which are larger, more muscular, and have unusually prominent genitalia (see: https://www.livescience.com/699-painful-realities-hyena-sex.html). This suggests that the evolutionary mechanisms of sexuality are quite complex and involve many other factors beyond hormonal differences.

          We humans, perhaps more than any other species, are behaviorally shaped by culture. People raised in the Christian West are taught to see men and women as stereotypes. In the East and South, Christian stereotypes generally do not apply and those cultures see men and women differently.

          Liked by 4 people

  4. A sad commentary on where we are as a people, a society, and the history of human relationships. I agree with you Nan. I can not understand the pleasure of joy anyone could have of trying to force a sexual act or relationship. I was so elated at first with Al Franken’s response to his first accuser. He took responsibility, apologized, took all the blame, and asked to be investigated. I was thinking wow an honest man when so many are going to great lengths the other way. Then more and more accusers came forward and my heart sank. I hope we can get better at this whole relations / sex thing. We have had enough time and practice to get it right. Hugs

    Liked by 4 people

    • You’re right — this whole “sex thing” is turning into a “he-said, she-said” circus!

      It’s pretty clear — men and women being who and what they are — that the situation will ever be totally resolved. In any event, I felt I had to speak up for the women. There are just too many on the male side that want to claim total ignorance/innocence … and I simply couldn’t let it pass.

      I admire Franken for having the guts to admit the error of his ways, but the whole point is … it should never have happened in the first place!

      Liked by 3 people

      • I agree with you. It never should have happened in the first place. My concern is two fold. Now that it has happened , how do we deal with it? Also so how do we prevent it from happening any more? It seems some can not process the depth of the feelings held by those harassed and abused. Some can not see a better way to teach about gender / sexual / sensual relationships, and the workplace. I can see a way to start. Sort of a Chief Joseph pledge reworded. From this day forward I will respect all beings, both those the same as I and those different from me. I will cause as little harm to others as possible while helping others as much as I possibly can. I think if we teach something like this to young and old alike we will be moving in the right direction. Be well. Hugs

        Liked by 4 people

        • What a GREAT pledge! Unfortunately, too many would recite it — and perhaps even convince themselves they will follow it — but over time, they forget. Or circumstances arise that (they believe) justify ignoring it.

          I think it’s like anything else. If there were more education on the subject of sexual relationships (of all kinds), many of these situations wouldn’t arise. But I think most of us would agree — the reason this won’t happen is because the Christians are so afraid of their sexuality, they have to keep the subject under wraps. Their god forbid that such things be taught to their kids!

          Liked by 2 people

  5. —(Unfortunately, not every parent is able to discuss such matters so, as you say, education is often lacking.)—
    I must admit that my (Catholic) wife and I have failed miserably in this respect – mainly because we have had [too] few conversations with each other.
    Rather surprisingly, and in any case gratefully, we have noticed that our three children have adopted principles and attitudes as if we had taught them so.

    Off-topic but just an illustration: they are most happily married since 39, 34, and 31 years respectively, and between them, they have 21 children (in the same vein, sofar) and 23 grandchildren – and counting.
    .-

    Liked by 3 people

    • Sometimes kids just turn out good, no matter what we do. 😀

      Hmmm … does the number of children and grandchildren have anything to do with the Catholic teaching against birth control? 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • My youngest daughter, at 37, and her husband explained that they were quite happy with their three girls. My other daugher and my in-law, equally happy, both had their ninth child at the age of 45 and 43 respectively. Clearly in strict observance of the Catholic Rules.

        —Sometimes kids just turn out good, no matter what we do. 😀- Like that conclusion + smiley!
        .-

        Liked by 3 people

  6. —I can not understand the pleasure of joy anyone could have of trying to force a sexual act or relationship.—

    Well said, Scottie! I think one can enjoy a date only when the reaction to the invitations, or even suggestions, have been positive. I don’t remember having tried to insist and clarify an evasive of doubtful answer.
    .-

    Liked by 3 people

  7. My coworker (a female), said that she is beginning to think that this is just a fad, and that not all of these sexual offenses could possibly be occurring. I lovingly 😉 explained to her that what has changed is not the frequency of sexual harassment, but the increasing freedom to speak up about it. Many of these are “cold cases” experienced by women during a time period when it was unsavory, financially dangerous, or mortifying to tell the truth. Now that many brave women have come forward to break down the stigma, those victims of earlier abuse are finding the courage to tell their stories. We might as well strap in for the long haul, because I fear this is just the beginning of stories that have spent decades silently crying for justice. And yes, I myself am a victim of abuse. I never spoke up about it until the “me too” campaign, about 32 years after it happened.

    Liked by 7 people

  8. Boys will be boys.

    I don’t know how many times I have heard that statement in my lifetime, but it has been many. The general effect of that statement is a casual acceptance that guys will try, in many ways to seduce women and is often shrugged off as general knowledge and not to be taken too seriously. While attempting to seduce a woman isn’t always a bad thing, you can try to seduce all the women you want IMO*, it is how you go about it that matters.

    As Nan said you need verbal and/or physical cues to proceed anywhere beyond casual conversation. End of story. It is fine I think to “fish” for these cues, but if they are not forthcoming then step back, and let it go. As I said in a blog post of recent, if the woman is interested she will let you know. Us guys need to somehow figure out that all of those “acceptable” behaviors of generations gone by are no longer acceptable, and never were.

    Parents need to teach their sons how to be gentlemen. I guess we should be prepared for the possibility many will never make the grade. That does not mean they should be excused for their actions however when they cross the line to sexual harassment/assault. I think a basic guideline would be thus: Casual conversation (acceptable), a fishing trip (still acceptable to a point) Anthing beyond that without the proper social cues, is well on its way to the well traveled road of sexual harassment (unacceptable)

    * You dog!

    Liked by 4 people

  9. 21 years ago I was managing an area of around 30 staff and we received a sexual harassment complaint. One of the men in the office had been talking with some of the women and asking them intimate questions like, ‘what is it like to be pregnant’.

    My boss and I spoke with the culprit. I started out trying to explain the situation, and my boss cut me off and said, ‘You all the women in the office thin you are a creep’. Well that brought the matter to a head. The guy had no idea that his questions to women in the office unsettled them. Anyway the behaviour abruptly stopped.

    My conclusion was the person was not a predator but rather lacked emotional intelligence to be aware of the effect of his behaviour on others.

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  10. I do think that the world is becoming a confusing place for men. Whilst there is much talk of harassment, it is less clear what harassment is. I have read a number of stories of men being dismissed from their employment for complimenting women on their dress.

    Some men are now wary of even talking with their female colleagues in the office. Innocent questions like ‘what did you do on the weekend’ are seen as harassment in some quarters, but only when asked by men. A number of feminist commentators make light of this trauma some men face. I am not talking about predators but rather men who are trying to do the right thing, but are confused now how to act as a man on the modern world where they feel no matter what they do they are criticized. Men are nowhere near as good as women as picking up social queues and that is a factor in this matter.

    I recall some years ago A female staff member had been promised a plumb appointment by our boss, but the direction came from higher up that I was to be given the role instead (I should add I was not even aware the role was up for grabs). After the announcement was made she came across to me and said ‘congratulations Peter’, I thought no more of this until another female colleague said to me ‘didn’t you see her claws out then’. She could read the social clues that I was oblivious to.

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    • I agree with that Peter. I recall a friend of mine said to a girl he knew quite well in his office that she had nice legs as she was wearing a mini skirt that almost left nothing to the imagination. She abruptly told him to fuck off. This, I have a problem with, some women wear short dresses to show off their legs and would be delighted with such a comment. The problem being some women take a simple innocent comment as a sexual comment, I guess similar to the women who do not like doors being held open or seats offered by men.

      It is again another example of the political correct ideology going crazy. A woman may comment positively about anything when it comes to a man.

      You are right that men cannot read social clues like women, I am also one of them.

      Liked by 3 people

      • I recall a friend of mine said to a girl he knew quite well in his office that she had nice legs as she was wearing a mini skirt that almost left nothing to the imagination.

        Completely inappropriate in an office setting.

        She abruptly told him to fuck off.

        Good for her.

        Liked by 3 people

        • In what setting would you say is appropriate, the bedroom?

          If you are going to go into an office setting basically showing off your knickers to the opposite sex and you have a comment directed towards you that you do not like, the response is hardly acceptable with “fuck off” to a work colleague, when other appropriate words are available.

          The man in question was not a sexual predator happily married for 20 years and thought they had a good enough working relationship to offer this compliment.

          Liked by 1 person

          • In what setting would you say is appropriate, the bedroom?

            I wouldn’t be that restrictive. There are social occasions where such comments might be appropriate.

            I’ve worked in office jobs, and it isn’t appropriate there. I don’t have personal experience in other kinds of jobs, so I can’t comment about those.

            Liked by 2 people

        • sklyjd,

          I’d like to expand a little on my “agreement” with the situation Neil described.

          Yes, the (excessive) mini-skirt was inappropriate, and yes, her response to the “compliment” was a bit over-the-top. BUT the “nice legs” comment was also inappropriate. I don’t care how upstanding the guy is/was.

          The reason I feel this way relates to the part of the body he complimented. Had he simply said, “you look especially nice today” (and this is based on what you said about their “good enough working relationship”), then I would say she over-reacted. But to specifically point out her “legs”? That would be similar to a man complimenting a well-endowed woman on her low-cut blouse by saying, “Nice blouse”. I hope you get my drift.

          I know it’s difficult for men to understand us females. There’s no doubt we’re complicated. And the “rules” don’t work in every situation. But perhaps if men would try to think more from the upper portion of their body rather than the lower, some of these problems might be diminished. 🙂

          Liked by 2 people

          • I get your drift with this comment Nan. Though I feel we are all getting a little bit precious about what we think is abusive or discriminatory.

            I know that women have their hair done and they like men to notice and I would strongly believe if you expose your legs or your breasts beyond a certain point of imagination that suggests to me they want these parts to be looked at, but it seems not to be commented on unless they cannot hear it. I can understand any man perving at these body parts and possibly getting his ears slapped if the wife or girlfriend happens to catch him. I have known women who have dressed provocatively where ever they might be going and one would often comment that if she did not meet a nice man she hoped to at least turn a dozen on.

            Horses for courses, if a woman does not want comments or compliments about her dress and body parts she should dress more conservatively. Same with men, some men like to show of biceps and chest and I would bet these men would not be upset if a woman commented on their tight butt or sculptured chest. Not to brag, but in my younger years a young woman came to me and squeezed one of my biceps with both hands and said, “I can tell when a man works out”. And just for the record I did not take advantage of her, but I wish it would happen again though😊

            Liked by 1 person

    • I won’t deny there are extremes on both sides, Peter. And yes, some women can be overly sensitive. But maybe there’s a reason behind their reaction … like perhaps a bad past experience?

      Also, as the old saying goes, one bad apple … I realize this should not play out against all the men in an office, but it only takes one or two “jocks” to mess it up for the others.

      Liked by 2 people

  11. I have been reading the comments on the reactions between male and female and the misunderstandings that occur. I was wondering if anyone has thought how fraught it can get between Male & Male, or female to female interactions with comments or simple touch. The reason I mention this is the video going around about two men of different political parties at some sort of committee meeting. One man apparently lightly touched the arm of man beside him as he made a point. I don’t know how many times he did it, but the republican man got very upset and went on a rant loudly proclaiming himself straight and stating he loved his wife. He finished with telling the other person , who was a democrat to stop touching him and to touch the people on his other side as they were of his political party. It was hilarious because it was such an over reaction and the other guy was laughing so hard he could hardly talk. I really wonder why the guy went so ballistic instead of simply saying “hey I know we are all trying to make points but I am listening to you so you need not to get my attention by touching my forearm, thanks”. I wonder why such an over the top out burst unless the guy was trying to convince himself of his sexuality rather than ask a fellow to not touch his forearm. Granted if the man did not want to be touched he has the right to not be touched, but to go off on a loud belligerent rant seems suspicious to me.

    One last point please. As a young gay man in the US military and then living in a backwards area working with homophobic guys carrying guns it was very hard to read signals coming from other guys. It really was risky back then to say the wrong thing to a fellow male your age. Today if someone says something complimentary most young people say thanks and yes or thanks and no. No fuss no mess, no hard feelings. It is not taken as a threat, but a complement. My whole point is the sexual landscape is rife with missteps and misunderstandings and most ( not all but most ) really do not mean any harm. However those that have caused harm must be dealt with. Those growing up should be given the tools to navigate in these dangerous and hard to understand waters. Loves and hugs.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I appreciate you adding your perspective, Scottie. I thought of you as I was writing this post; however, since I have (obviously) no experience in your type of situation, there was little for me to say.

      I’ve heard over the years that “straight” men can be overly-sensitive to any man they think might be trying to “flirt” with them. And, as you mentioned, one cannot help but wonder why some of them seem to over-react

      I suppose in any type of situation that calls for inter-personal relationships, it’s best to stay on the safe side until one knows for certain their compliments/comments are welcome.

      Liked by 2 people

  12. I think it is a good thing this is gaining a lot more traction. I would want to see those women we interact with on the streets, you know, the not celebrities types talking. And men playing their part in the conversation. Maybe we will have a world safer for everyone

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  13. I agree with all you’ve said. I guess my only question is what do you mean by “support”. To me support isn’t always complicity. Sometimes you can support someone by being in opposition to their behavior. I can support my father’s efforts to quit drinking, I can be against his drinking. Well my dad doesn’t try to quit drinking. But I can love him while he’s in my home, but I do not tolerate him drinking in my home.

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    • I’m guessing you’re referring to my last paragraph?

      I was indirectly referring to Moore’s wife, and also Melania. Both of these women know their husbands are philanderers but refuse to address it. In fact, Moore’s wife has publicly said she doesn’t believe the accusations. And although Melania has remained silent, to me that says a lot about her as well.

      I hope that clears it up for you.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Nan I have been interested in how we are all prone to confirmation bias. In the case of Roy Moores wife she may genuinely believe him to be innocent. I seen in my own experience how we are reluctant to accept facts that are counter to our sense of identity. If his wife draws her sense of identity from being his wife then she will not want to believe the allegations as it could cause her world to fall apart.

        I remember my auntie hearing rumours about her husband being unfaithful. She made quite clear that she was not going to look into the matter as to her, the break-up of her marriage was too painful to contemplate. Her whole identity revolved around being a wife and a mother. Even now 10 years after her husband’s death she still draws her identity from having been his wife.

        Liked by 5 people

        • You make a good point, Peter. Sense of identity can definitely play a major role in married life. And probably even more so when the woman is married to someone in the public eye.

          In the case of Moore, because of his position, she has apparently chosen to believe him — at least that’s what she’s said publicly. However, if perchance he doesn’t get re-elected, who knows? She may show her true feelings by divorcing him. This scenario has played out before.

          However, in the case of tRumpsky and his “bride,” the circumstances are a bit different. We can only assume she likes the wealth and all that comes with it. But in “accepting” him she is, as I mentioned, a traitor to her sex.

          Liked by 2 people

  14. “I feel strongly that ANY kind of sexual advancement made towards a woman without either verbal or physical encouragement is WRONG.”

    So flirting is out? Because someone has to break the ice, and traditionally that task has fallen to the man.

    Thank non-existent God I’m no longer in the dating game. I’d hate thaving to navigate the ever-changing minefield of what constitutes sexual harassment.

    Liked by 2 people

    • If the “flirting” is reciprocated, then I would say all is OK since there has been verbal encouragement. However, if the man gets a cold stare or silence or a similar reaction, then he should probably back off.

      And yes, it can be a minefield.

      IMO, a lot of problems occur because some men are totally convinced no woman can resist them! 🙂 Surrrrprise!

      Liked by 2 people

      • Nan I recall there was a receptionist in an office where I worked who was very sweet and always smiled at me. I was questioning myself whether this was her being more than friendly (I thought she was smiling especially for me). But then a work colleague remarked about her, say how charming she was and he mentioned that special smile ‘that seemed only for you’.

        I then realised that she was just a charming person. The point I suppose is that men can misinterpret what is simply being friendly as something more.

        As for ‘a lot of problems occur because some men are totally convinced no woman can resist them’. Some but certainly not all. Those of us who are more in the ‘nerd’ category have no such delusions.

        Liked by 6 people

  15. Nan there was a disturbing case reported in the UK today where a young man, Liam Allan, was charged with rape and was being prosecuted in court all this despite the police sitting on evidence that proved him innocent.
    http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-42366629

    It seems rape accused are treated as guilty until innocence can be proved. This story was disturbing on so many levels and the accuser apparently faces no consequences.

    In this case thankfully he had a tenacious lawyer defending him, as for the police they were either incompetent but perhaps even deceitful like they wanted to convict him.

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    • There are always two sides to every story.

      The case you mention is truly unfortunate. And I have no doubt there are many other similar ones. IF Liam was truly innocent (not just because his lawyer convinced a jury), then his accuser should most definitely have issued a public apology..

      There’s no doubt sexual cases are complicated … but I stand by my convictions that more often than not, the woman is telling the truth..

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      • Sorry I am getting a bit over zealous here Nan.

        I have been reflecting on this and conclude that deep down it reflects a fear on my part of being falsely accused over something or other. I should point out that I am pretty much a model citizen. But I still recall a situation where at my nephews birthday party where a little girl came up to me and grabbed my hands and wanted me to dance with her. She was about three, I was not sure what to do, anyway her mother came over and took her away but not before giving me a look that made clear she was judging me to be almost a phedophile.

        I was just standing there minding my own business but older man in particular are viewed with suspicion.

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        • I am with you on that one Peter. Unless I know the mother of a child I will not engage in any communication with any children. I have waved at children who have been somewhere like the park or a restaurant with their parents only because the child was staring and smiling at me, as soon as one of the parents noticed what was going on I either get a smile from the parent or they gave me a quick cold glance of disapproval and pull their child away into their control and mostly out of my sight.

          It is a classic but inevitable human trait were all men are being judged on the basis of what is perceived as rampant paedophilia, and who can blame parents for that considering you cannot trust a family member or even a priest.

          Liked by 4 people

  16. Most women tend to be attracted to men of power and some men are target because of this. These powerful men are accustomed to women throwing themselves on them , so they are used to having their way with women. With that said, women also have the responsibility not to put themselves in a position to where they’re sexually disrespected as well. It work both ways!

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  17. Agree with that comment.

    I believe also that many of these women are unaware that even though we humans have evolved men still retain an inherent primitive aspect to their emotions and desires when it comes to the opposite sex and this comes with various levels of control for various men. Men after all are biologically designed animals to be the predator and dominant partner when it comes to finding a mate, and some men have more control of this animalistic tendency than others.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m curious … you say emotions and desires come with various levels of control and that some men are more “in control” than others. What makes the difference? Is it mental? Or are some men so vain that they think they’re irresistible to women? Is the physical urge so overpowering that men never consider the consequences? Or do they simply ignore them?

      My questions are meant to be taken seriously.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes Nan, I am also serious, there are quite a few variables and it is not such a straight forward issue as many believe. Issues such as the time and place, the regularity of being put into a given situation, the woman victim involved, alcohol or drug involvement, the man’s education, his background and the current mental state of the man in question.

        All men are not born equal and the control of the desire or aspiration for involvement with a woman or women is often an issue men will struggle with. Many men are not in tune with body language or a woman’s sensitivities and in fact many if not most men on at least one or more occasions will have to make the right decisions regarding relationships and sex, and ultimately some will be tested to be either be in control or not.

        I believe men have primitive emotional issues such as male anger and violence. We have our tolerances and breaking points, men especially as we are traditionally the sexual initiator, hunter and protector of our families, and none of us are of the same mindset and all react differently under pressure.

        Women of course on the other hand are also very different and may approach a situation involving males without really understanding how different men can be.

        No human has a standard reaction to anything psychological and emotional, and this is not an excuse I use for sexual abuse of women. It is true some men do take advantage of women for the reasons you have suggested; however, I am saying it can be far more complicated and those reasons often can become part of a man’s mental problems, where It is up to the man, especially repeat offenders or men having difficulty controlling these situations to recognise the problem and seek appropriate help before it gets completely out of hand.

        Liked by 1 person

  18. Agree….although I remember reading an article years ago that said that men think that when a woman smiles at them, they want sex….so I think that it’s possible that men may misinterpret a woman’s interest and “make a pass” at her thinking she IS encouraging him….as an extrovert myself I have learned to be aware that my friendliness is often mistaken for sexual interest.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, caligirl, for visiting and leaving a comment. Male-female relationships can often be quite tricky. And you’re correct … some men do interpret a “smile” as an invitation. Especially in a bar setting. It’s good that you’ve learned how to handle your extrovert nature. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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