Sharing My Feelings

After reading a post on Out From Under the Umbrella about how believers and non-believers sometimes react to those who disagree with them, it got me to thinking.

During the course of my de-conversion, I remember having very negative feelings towards those who were still bound to Christianity. Whenever believers tried to “convince” me I was on the wrong pathway, I felt anger … indignation … frustration. I wanted to tell them how blind they were. How indoctrinated. How easily swayed by rhetoric and tradition.

Instead, I would say nothing. Oh sure, on occasion I might mumble something like “I think you’re wrong,” but mostly I remained silent. I knew from years of having “been there, done that” that nothing I could or would say would change their thinking. Besides, by nature I’m not confrontational, so silence (and a smile) was my “weapon of choice.”

As I’ve looked back, I think this was the primary motivation behind writing my book. Communicating my thoughts and feelings through the written word has always been easier for me than one-on-one conversation. Through my book, I was allowed to share what I had learned about the Christian faith (which was at odds with what I had been taught) without direct confrontation.

Interestingly, since the book has been published,  I’ve noticed my feelings towards those who still “believe” have softened.  I’m now able to earnestly say … “If it works for you, that’s well and good. Each person has to follow what feels right for them.” This is not to say that when the opportunity presents itself (in person or on the internet), I won’t share what I have learned through my research. But I no longer feel disdain for those who are still trapped by doctrine and tradition. It is now more a feeling of sympathy, but also understanding in that for most, this is all they know.

Of course, down deep inside, there is always the hope they will read my book and learn the “facts” behind many of the things they are taught in church and Sunday School. wink

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7 thoughts on “Sharing My Feelings

  1. I have not read your book but yes, the lies taught in churches and ‘Sunday’ schools… can be… an insurmountable trap for many. I believe that in a world ‘wounded’ by lies, limited perception, lack of inspiration, and half-truths only a love for perfect truth can teach us to love one another in a way that heals all. And, if we truly strive for humanitarian, philanthropic, brotherly love, we must not abandon the hope of global realization of the truths that can foster such healing. Blessings.

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    • Shekhynah,

      I just read the posting on your blog and feel you expressed yourself with intelligence, humility, and acuity.

      Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment that is both thoughtful and provocative.

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  2. Hi Nan, it sounds like you had a lot stored up and just needed to get it off your chest. Now I have to go get your book.

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    • Hi Hayden, actually no, I didn’t have anything stored up (except maybe some extra fat cells). It’s just that Ruth’s post brought back some memories. When I was a Christian (fundamentalist), I was totally blind to all the manipulation that went on. It wasn’t until I left the faith that I realized how impressionable and vulnerable I’d been. The anger and disgust I felt towards those who still believed was most likely anger at myself for being so taken in. I’ve since accepted that each person has to learn for themselves the fallacy of Christianity. Some never will. I’m just thankful I did.

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  3. The process of changing one’s worldview is a tough process to go through. Not only do we go through internal confusion and conflicts, but if our previous worldview was one that we had gotten deeply involved in (as I did and probably you as well) then those who we had developed close relationships with (friends and usually family as well) end up making the nightmare even tougher. With all this angst it’s only natural for it to show itself in our behaviors. Glad you feel you’ve come to a better place Nan.

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  4. Thanks, Howie. I’m definitely much more at peace with myself and my world. I know many Christians find that difficult to believe (or understand), but I say … Until you’ve tried it, don’t knock it. 🙂

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